I finally got a chance to reflect on what I’d like to focus on for 2020. It doesn’t surprise me as much it clarifies an underlying feeling I’ve had this year. I discovered in one of my introspective happy hours that I‘ve been making (laser cutting, drawing, etc) for other people. For people shopping on Etsy. For fans of a specific show/movie. For an Instagram or YouTube audience. And for approval and acceptance from these audiences.

My focus for 2020 is making for myself. I’m not selling anything. I’m not going to publicly share too much (I might not even share that I’m blogging; I haven’t decided yet…) What I am going to do is go back to basics: drawing, doodling, meandering through my mind through visual expression.

I want to revisit old friends: electronics, water color painting, collaging, writing.

I want to focus on PLAYING with art instead of only MAKING it. I want the thrill of learning, failing, and inventing new ways to do things because I don’t know better not to try. I want to learn out loud, in the open, for all to see. (Maybe I will share that I’m blogging then…)

This year, I’m giving myself permission to explore, to be intuitive, to make spontaneously. If I don’t have a cutting room floor full of shitty art then I haven’t allowed myself enough space to experiment.

I may end up with something beautiful or thoughtful. Maybe it’ll be attractive enough that someone would want to purchase it. But that’s not its purpose, and I won’t allow myself to sell it. My most interesting work and projects have never been made for a storefront; they’ve come from a combination of crazy ideas, constraints, materials, and intuition on how to combine them together.

So for me, this year it’s down with “commercial art” and making for profit. This year is about building new habits, a new muscle memory, that prioritizes my inner need to make intuitively and shuts down the capitalist reasons why I should not.