It started small. One day after fretting and stressing about a particular task, I said something to myself:

I don’t need to solve this on my own.

It took such a weight off my shoulders. I hadn’t realized it, but I put so much pressure on myself to figure out issues at work that were holding back my team. I had reached out and talked with another lead, and they had a great suggestion. That’s when I said this statement.

I took a moment and looked back across other recent stresses. Some of them could have been solved this way too: asking for help and looking to other people to figure out the issue together.

So I wrote it on a bright pink post-it, and I put it on the window, right next to where I work, so that every time I look outside (what I usually do to think through a problem), I get a reminder that I don’t have to do it alone.

As I continue to work at home, and deal with stresses beyond just work, more post-its have been added to my window.

It’s not my fault.

So that I don’t internalize problems that I didn’t create and blame myself for emergent issues that could not have been foreseen.

I’m doing enough. (Heck, I’m doing more than enough.)

To battle the constant voice in my head whispering “you’re not doing enough. you’re letting everyone down.” To remind me to delegate instead of taking on too much work because I don’t want to impose on my team.

I’m not here to please people. I’m here to build products.

To push back against my natural people-pleasing tendencies with clients, and to find self-esteem and confidence in the user-centric work our team is doing. We don’t need to shift with the whims of a stakeholder when it’s not in the best interest of the business or the user.

Introspection is a task I used to perform regularly pre-pandemic. Once a month or so, I would do a solo happy hour and reflect on how I’m doing, what energy I was wasting on unnecessary tasks, and where I wanted to put more energy instead. It’s like a personal retrospective, to use a work analogy.

I haven’t had a solo happy hour in 5+ months now. I’m feeling frayed and tired. Burned out and listless. These post-its are a first step to identify and address some of the underlying issues and sabotaging self-talk that’s happening internally. Only by taking the time to dig deep, look inward, and shine a light on those dark recesses can I begin to improve and get back to a healthy, non-burned-out state.

And, while continuing to be in this uncertain time, I need to make these realizations visible, physical, and memorable. They need to be part of my daily environment and at the top of my mind. To cement their meaning into my heart, so I can continue being while I’m hard at work doing.

I’m not sure how many post-its I’ll end up with, but I plan on continuing to make physical reminders of these moments of clarity on a regular basis as my way to reflect and apply what I’ve learned about myself.